S J D

fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I hate everything. This is such a livejournal post.

All the things I want to do right now are impossible: swim but the pools are all closed, pool hopping in this town is impossible (I've tried), and there are no lakes to jump into. I don't really do running, as much as I want to. The only reason I do is because know I'll become skinny if I stick to it long enough. So exercising my frustration away is out.

Screaming is out because even at my angriest and most defeated I respect my neighbors more than that.

I'll never be a cutter because scars are ugly. Therefore I also won't whip myself with my belt or bang my head against a door or wall.

Cussing out my parents, who caused some of this anger, would absolutely get me nowhere. Possibly even retrograde me more.

Work. Also something that is causing my trouble. The lack of it is stunning, and it's becoming painfully apparent every time I think about ... anything.

If you can think of legit things that aren't "prostitution" or some variant thereof for me to become fucking EMPLOYED by someone who respects me more than the Abercrombie & Fitch corporation, please let me know.

like. asap. yesterday asap.

Or anger management ideas. That would be sweet too. Because right now I'm seething and kinda crying in my bed. Not so great.

F.